For years, I've kept this story to myself. . .
Mainly to protect others from it's sadness. But over the years, I realize that so many of us have this story and now, I feel that it helps to share, because it helps me to feel less alone and hopefully it helps other women to feel less alone. But also, because I hope to provide a little bit of peace and comfort in a time that feels so out of control. First Trimester, the epitome of duality. It's filled with excitement, hope, and so much love and at the same time, fear, anxiety and sometimes breath taking panic about the safety of this precious baby that we can not feel yet and can't see.
When I was in my early 20’s I was pregnant. I was excited and was sure my baby was a boy. I wanted to name him Aspen. At about 8-weeks I had some spotting and of course was worried. I was able to have an ultrasound and received great pictures of my baby. After that, I was often very anxious and felt stressed about the health of my pregnancy. When the 12 week mark arrived, I finally felt a sense of calm. I felt like I could finally breathe again. 1st trimester was over and my baby should be safe.
I had an OB appointment at 13.5 weeks and was excited to hear the baby’s heartbeat. That appointment turned out to be one of the worst experiences of my life. The nurse could not find my baby’s heartbeat with the Doppler. She was searching for what felt like an eternity! The entire time, I was praying, please God let my baby be okay. After searching for a while, they sent me to get an ultrasound. They found my baby quickly but there was no heartbeat. My baby had passed. Of course the next year of my life was difficult and I was sent into a spiral as I processed my loss.
That experience was awful and completely life-changing for so many reasons. That ultrasound picture of my 8-week old baby was all I ever had of Aspen. I never felt him, I never held him, thankfully I at least named him and I got to see him for just a few minutes and I was so grateful for that.
Ultrasounds can be fun, but they can also provide comfort and peace of mind to a worried mother. I am so grateful to be able to offer that peace of mind to other women.
If you are experiencing symptoms of a miscarriage please contact your provider. If you feel anxious and just need to see your baby, please schedule a Quicklook Ultrasound. Our Quicklook Ultrasound is a 10min 2D ultrasound that allows you to see your baby and hopefully provide a bit of comfort and peace of mind. And what's more, they only cost $49! Text or Call: 719-660-5687 OR book Online here.